What would you do?
You have a Special Needs boy that doesnt do quite so well in Sacrament Meeting. Your ward is very quite during Sacrament Meeting and basically all the kids are quite and great(well today wasnt but it usually is). You talk to the Bishop about bringing the Sacrament out to the foyer so that you wouldnt miss partaking of it since you have noticed the past 4 Sundays they have not brought it out to the foyer. So you find out your answer today and they said no. I didnt really get a chance to ask why because the guy was in a hurry but they had said the Stake President had set the rule not to pass the Sacrament out in the hallways. So you have gone 3 wks without the sacrament and probably the whole time you live in the ward until your child that has special needs leaves or isnt with you. So what would you do?
This Ward is a hard ward. We are struggeling in it. I have never felt so lonely in a place. The first day we went to church everyone was saying hi and introducing theirselfs but since we have been there no one talks to us really just say hi or a smile here and there. No Visiting Teachers, Home Teachers. No friends. I have tried to talk too people but they just walk the other way when I have tried to approach them to say hi and make small talk. We are really struggling here in this Ward. Jeff doesnt like the Ward and he isnt one to really say anything. He goes with the flow. But he has now said lets just not go. I am sick of the unpleasant looks we get when our kids are misbehaving etc. I feel the same way. So we have thought about going back to our old Ward but we really dont know what to do. So any adivce to help us decide on what would be the best thing for our family. Thanks Fish Family
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11 years ago
6 comments:
I am sorry you are having such a hard time in your new ward. That's got to be tough. I would give it a little more time though, sometimes things just take time. One thing that my mission president always told us was to tell the bishop of any new ward we would be in was that we wanted a calling. Once we get involved in a ward then usually that is when people start to actually befriend us and we felt that we fit in. Alan thinks that you should talk to the bishop again, because he thinks that it is ridiculous that they won't give you the sacrament in the hall.
I say leave... I was in a ward for 6 months and hated it.. I will never go to a ward that I feel like a stupid little kid with the people treating me like such!! And I feel that they have no right not to take the sacrament out to the foyer.. It's only making it harder on you, and I am pretty sure that God doesn't care where you take the Sacrament as long as you are getting it and realizing the reason of the Sacrament!! There's my 2 cents!
Oh I'm sorry! That stinks, it's sad when it's not fun to go to church. I agree that is does take a little while to feel like you fit in and to find some friends. I had a ward that I had a hard time in at first but by the end I was so sad to leave, so give it some time maybe you could ask the relief society if you could start a play group or another group. I started a cooking group in Richmond and it has been such a fun way to meet people. But I would go straight to the stake president if I had to because there is no reason that they should not give you the sacrament, they have always passed it out in the foyers in my wards. Good luck!
How sad! It's hard to not feel welcome in a ward. I would pray about it as a couple and a family. Heavenly Father can tell you and Jeff what is best for your particular needs, He knows them best:) Also, I agree with asking for callings, asking to VT, HT etc. Sometimes leaders are working on things like that but just don't get around to letting you know until everything is settled. But if you are proactive, then you will already feel more involved, and they will be excited about you because you seem so willing and ready to serve. Really, we're here to serve each other, so find ways to do that. (So much easier said then done.) If you choose NOT to go to church, your family will miss out on blessings even though you may feel more comfortable. Also, your children will see your example and look back on it for good. Generations will be affected by choices you make today. Also, it may be partly your perception that people are giving you bad looks if your kids act up, but even those who are, are not your problem. They need to get over it, and Heavenly Father DEFINITELY wants you and your children there.
Anyway, I'm sure you guys will make the right decisions:) Good luck.
Stink... I'm sorry that you have not had a good experience in the new ward.. Seems like Ben and I have moved a lot over the past few years and have often been the new people in the ward.. it takes some time. I remember thinking, I just wanted to be back in the 10th ward where I had friends and people to talk with. But as I received callings and started making friends I fit in a bit better. I would talk with the Bishop again and see if he could help with your circumstances... maybe he didn't realize that you are often out in the foyer, etc.. Hope that helps..
Hi guys, we run into you all the time in DI and I was just wanting to check on the spelling of your name, shame on me, but I read your entry and felt that I needed to ditto what has been said (except the Huber, sorry guys I thought it a bit harsh) New wards are hard and I can testify that everyone thinks that they are the ones who's kids are disturbing the meeting, when all we really hear are out own children. Now if the Stake President makes a choice then as a Bishop he is under his care and will abide by his choice. Look at it from his view, I would be the first to say that people need to be in the chapel for the most important reason why we met each Sunday, to renew those promises. I am sure he felt too many people were hanging out in the foyer and decided to get them back in the chapel. Now you may feel that your son has really jusitfied you not remaining in, that you are doing everyone a huge favor, but the Stake Pres. has not met with your particular situation. You could take it to him, or you could take your son to the chapel and participate there. Use your doctor and if he is getting any kind of physical therapy ask them for suggestions on making it possible to do this. Maybe after a few weeks the Bishop may just ask you to take the Sacrament in the foyer as a favor! Who knows? I know on Sunday I am running like a mad to get to places and do things, I don't have time for chit chat so when in doubt assume the best of people, certainly that is what the Savior would do. Ask for a calling, be willing to help, be polite and vocal, smile, treat others the way you would want to be treated. They have there family and you are new, change for them is just as uncomfortable as it is for you, give it time and then more and more. So many people lose their testimonies over these kinds of things, don't let it eat at you, this is exactly what the advasary would want, he will wisper words of inadaquacy and not being wanted or liked or needed, these are his tools, not the Savior. And finally educate people, give them a chance to discover the amazing person you are and they will come to appreciate the challenges you face, when our children look "normal" we expect them to act "normal" soon they will see the unique child he is and realize the challenges you face with him and their hearts will be softened also. I sure do appreciate your friendship, you have always been so kind to me. Wish my life were not so crazy so I could have more time to be your friend. Real friendship takes time to grow. Look around for that one sister who will turn out to be a bosom friend, she's there, give it TIME. Don't go back to your old ward, as much as you would like to this is the system that the Savior has put in place to help us serve each other, you need to be there. Lose yourself in the service of your new ward. I do know how you feel, family can make you feel the same way, but you can't walk away from them, can you!!!! Jana
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